How to Stop Waiting for Change and Start Living Your Joy Today
Familiar Patterns in Relationships
If we tie our sense of satisfaction solely to achieving a distant goal, we risk waiting endlessly—especially in this work, which is inherently a process. There’s no final destination where we become fully "evolved." The image I often use is a rainbow and the pot of gold. If we fixate on the pot of gold, dismissing the progress we’ve made and the impact we’re having along the way, we set ourselves up for unnecessary pain. Instead, we need to learn to appreciate the rainbow—to find beauty in the journey itself, even in the midst of challenges.
This is particularly true in relationships, where we often fall into familiar patterns. The Caretaker archetype, for instance, prioritizes others’ needs above her own, hoping that her partner will eventually change—hoping for the connection, alignment, or the mutuality she craves. She puts her energy into nurturing the relationship, waiting for her partner to meet her on the same emotional level. But this often leads to frustration and loss of connection to self.
On the other hand, there’s the Pseudo-Independent woman, who shuts herself off from connection in an effort to avoid disappointment. She takes care of everything herself, believing she can’t count on others. While this strategy may feel empowering in the short term, it can be isolating and leave her longing for the intimacy and support from which she’s closed herself off.
The Shift to Self-Trust
Both archetypes are common and deeply painful. Both miss an essential truth: fulfillment doesn’t come from others changing or from not needing anyone. It comes from trusting ourselves, finding joy in the process, and leading in our relationships—not from a place of control, but from authenticity and self-connection. True satisfaction comes not from what we achieve but from the process of working toward living the life we want. This often requires a shift in focus or reevaluation of where we’re placing our attention.
This shift is about appreciating the rainbow in the storm, celebrating small victories, and recognizing the progress we’re making, even when the ultimate goal feels far away. It’s about releasing the expectation of perfection—whether that’s a perfect partnership or a perfect version of ourselves—and learning to find beauty in what is, right now.
"Easier said than done," you might be thinking. I'm with you. There are still battles with shame and pits of suffering on this path. That's the thing about rainbows, isn't it? They only exist because of the presence of a storm!
A key part of this journey is looking in the mirror and truly seeing ourselves. Yes, we are not perfect and we fall down. But do we acknowledge our progress, the resources we bring, and the merit of our efforts? Or do we diminish our contributions, seeing only a distorted version of ourselves that keeps us from embracing the satisfaction we’ve earned? Sometimes, we need others to reflect our fullness back to us, helping us see what we cannot on our own.
We often seek satisfaction through our connection with others, sometimes at the expense of building a deeper connection with ourselves. Even the seemingly independent woman, who appears to be very connected to herself, knows deep down that she craves connection with others. Yet, she struggles with the pain of its absence, unsure how to open up and be vulnerable enough to truly receive it. The caretaking woman, on the other hand, may wait and wait for the connection to others that she is seeking, often neglecting the relationship with herself in the process. While connection to others is important and valuable, placing our fulfillment there can distract us from an even more vital relationship—the one we have with ourselves. Building a strong connection with ourselves is a powerful resource. When we trust and nurture our inner world, we can experience deeper joy and a greater ability to influence the world around us. When we trust ourselves first, we gain the capacity to enrich our relationships, not from a place of need or overextension, but from a place of choice and abundance.
So much of our culture is built on the idea of gratification only in the achievement of goals, rather than in the process of getting there. Finding joy in this process requires a conscious choice: to lead in our own lives, to embrace the beauty of the rainbow even when the storm looms, and to trust that the journey itself is where satisfaction lives. By focusing on this inner work, we not only transform our own lives but also the relationships and contexts we navigate, creating deeper and more authentic connections along the way.
The Balance of Strength and Softness
This journey requires a balance of strength and softness—the Heart and the Warrior within us. The Warrior provides strength, courage, and determination to keep taking action and moving forward, while the Heart brings compassion, needs, and the ability to connect authentically with others. The caretaking woman may lead more with her Heart, while the pseudo-independent woman feels most comfortable in her Warrior part. True leadership is born from a balance of these two places. When we embrace both the Heart and the Warrior, we create a life of purpose and depth, where the journey itself becomes the most rewarding achievement of all.
To deepen your understanding of this work, I invite you to listen to the Me & We Podcast. This inspiring podcast offers insights and stories that spark transformation. Through thought-provoking conversations and expert guidance, the podcast becomes your companion on the journey toward greater self-awareness and fulfillment. You'll discover practical tools, wisdom, and inspiration to align your inner and outer worlds with intention and purpose. Plus, explore ways to develop both the committed heart and the warrior within, empowering you to navigate relationships and life with strength and authenticity.
